It’s taken 5 weeks to find the time to write this, and I can’t quite believe that I am, but this is my first post as a mother with a baby physically in her arms. That’s right, our miracle rainbow baby is here, alive, well and FIVE WEEKS OLD!
Five weeks ago today
It seems ironic this post is headlined 5 weeks ago today, as my first ever post after I lost Avery was titled the same, yet the stories (and woman) are miles worlds and oceans apart.
After what was a rollercoaster pregnancy, the day finally came 5 weeks ago where our baby was due to arrive into the world via c-section. After getting anxious about labour, knowing he was a big baby we opted for a calm, controlled elective section and I have never regretted the decision. In the week leading up to the section, I spent lots of time with my consultant and amazing midwives to pull together a birth plan I was comfortable with; this included music, screen down and instant skin to skin, a full commentary of what was happening, Avery’s teddy and blanket with us, filming the whole experience etc. I was so humbled by how all the team honoured every one of my wishes to ensure I felt safe and comfortable.
Waking up on that Wednesday was surreal, I found the nights in the lead up especially difficult – every time I woke up I would search frantically for movement. I couldn’t shift the negative feeling plaguing my mind that I would wake up one night and have missed reduced movements and he’d of passed away. It’s such a torturous mind game pregnancy after loss. So, waking up on that Wednesday morning to a kicking baby was the most welcome and joyous sensation of the whole pregnancy – we’d made it! (naturally my section wasn’t until the afternoon so I had 4 listens in during that time for extra reassurance).
I was greeted at the hospital to the biggest smile and hug off one of my bereavement midwives Lyndsey – who I’d requested to be in the caesarean with me because she was one of the women who was a part of Avery’s delivery and has been a huge part of this pregnancy. What I love is that my team at St Mary’s were as excited as me, this has not only been my journey but theirs also and they wanted me to have this baby just as much as we did.
To say the hospital went above and beyond is an understatement, they bypassed a few of their rules to make it the best experience for us, My mum, grandma and Steven’s mum were allowed in the waiting room with us, we were all a bunch of giddy females (and male) just counting down the minutes to meeting our rainbow who we’d so long waited for.
I still get goosebumps thinking about when the surgeon popped her head round the door and said ‘We’re ready for you’, my mum and grandma cried, I jumped up with excitement, Steven went white as a sheet ha ha
I practically skipped into the theatre, everybody kept saying I was the calmest patient they’d ever had. I honestly didn’t have an ounce of fear in my body – I was SO ready to meet my second child and hear them cry!
Are you ready to meet your baby?
The surgery was amazing, after ten minutes of numbing it took TWO MINUTES to get him out. There aren’t words to describe what happened next – our world was made whole with a few words from the surgeon, she looked at us, smiled and said “We’re going to deliver now, are you ready to meet your baby?” and seconds later we heard that beautiful cry. That sound we never got to hear Avery make. My heart jumped out of my chest, I couldn’t see a thing because my eyes we’re so full of tears. I just felt this warm body placed on me and I could hear Steven crying saying “He’s so gorgeous, oh my god”. Then I looked down and saw these big blue eyes looking back at me, my beautiful boy was here. Two years after first conceiving Avery, we had a living breathing baby, and he was perfect.
Introducing Hudson Raine Chidgey, born 21st February at 38 weeks weighing 8 lb 3oz
The past 5 weeks have been a whirlwind. A huge culture shock as I call it and it hasn’t been without its tough moments, but its all I could have dreamed of and more. I’ll be sharing more about my life as a rainbow mum in my next post so keep an eye out.
I’d just like to take this moment to thank every at St Mary’s and The Rainbow Clinic for getting him here safely. And a huge thank you to my family friends and supporters for following his journey into the world after what felt like a never-ending 9 months!
One day at a time .. XO Nicole (And Huddy)