It’s the week of your first birthday; one whole year since you were born into the world sleeping. A year of phenomenal achievements and so, so much love. A year of rebuilding and growing stronger. 365 days of making memories and sharing our ‘story’.
Now I don’t want this letter to be sad, because it’s a day of celebration; in the year since you went on to bigger things, your story has helped so many other people and spread the word about stillbirth – and I’m so proud of you, me and your daddy for that! So, I’m not going to write a sad letter, because you deserve every bit of celebration in the world.
I often think of what we’d be doing if you were alive for your first birthday; no doubt I’d be skinting your dad by throwing an extravagant party that you wouldn’t even remember. It would be pink, princessy and all your friends (because you’d have so many) would be there to cake smash and make a mess with you! Everyone would be fighting for cuddles and pictures with you because you would look so beautiful in your birthday frock.
I like to imagine from time to time what milestones we’d have got to share over the past year. Your first chuckle, your first words, your first steps maybe? Oh what I would give to have experienced these in person, but the little scenes I play out in my head are enough to keep me going and keep my heart filled with love until we meet again.
That’s the hardest part of this week – the ‘what ifs’, but I hope we’re making you proud by making the most of our little ‘out of the norm’ family and celebrating your first birthday the way we have been.
I 100% know that you’re all around us, I feel you all the time, I get your little signs you leave for me and I know your gift to us this year has been your little sibling – thank you for always looking after us! I’m not sure we’d of been able to be so positive if we didn’t have our rainbow on the way, and I know the timing was your way of ensuring that wasn’t the case.
So, all I want to say to you is thank you for a year of filling our hearts with the most incredible kind of love, there isn’t a day that goes by where we don’t yearn for you, think of you and dream of you. You’ve achieved more in this past year through your little legacy than most people do in their lives – we can’t put into words how proud that makes us! You’re one of a kind and will always be our special baby.
Happy birthday beautiful soul,
One year at a time .. Love Mummy xx