Life’s one big countdown

Sometimes I feel like my life has become a never-ending countdown clock to the next hurdle for us to overcome; whether it’s her funeral, Christmas, due date – there’s always something looming, and I guess that’s always going to happen now because throughout the year there’ll always be reminders of the little girl we lost.

But, that doesn’t mean my life has to become a groundhog day of dreading certain dates, instead I’ve been making them memorable and planning something special to do on the days, so instead we look forward to them.

Our first Christmas as stillborn parents has just passed, and I’m not guilty to say we made it special and enjoyed it! It was different in that we shared it just the two (three) of us at home and not with my ginormous family, but we planned it perfectly. Our day started with a morning hike round the beautiful woods and river at Compstell, then we came home and opened our presents (we spoilt each other this year rightly so!), then we got dressed up and made a lovely 3 course meal, then finally we finished the evening watching Christmas films in bed – it was a the perfect day spent doing exactly what we wanted, at home where all Avery’s things are, so she was with us in spirit.


On our walk

It’s important to try and live life to the fullest and appreciate the small happy things – I did it before and losing a baby will not take that away from me, if anything it makes me appreciate them even more.


My next two hurdles are both in the next couple of weeks and are tough ones. We have Avery’s due date, and then her post mortem results, but I’m determined to see the positives in both.

Avery’s results will hopefully give us some closure and also help us to plan for our future and Avery’s brothers/ sisters.

For her due date, we’ve saved some photos of her which we haven’t yet seen. When she was born, she had a photoshoot and we’ve saved the memory card for now – it’s been tough not seeing her beautiful face on them every day but it really has given us something to look forward to and it will fill us with happiness and pride seeing her on what will be a tough day!

Be positive and give yourself something to look forward to, I know we will for the rest of our lives whenever one of Avery’s special dates is on the horizon.

One day at a time .. XO Nicole

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  1. Pingback: We are all mums

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