Christmas will be magical again one day

Christmas is usually my favourite time of the year, for the past 24 years I’ve loved every second of the festivities – but this year just isn’t quite the same … and that’s ok.

The past week in the lead up to Christmas has been hard, I won’t lie, I can’t help but think that Avery should be here in 2 weeks – the excitement me and Steven would have been feeling if she was still in my tummy – oh it would have been amazing. So, it’s understandable that I’m feeling angry, bitter and down right teary.

It’s so important not to put pressure on yourself to feel happy or put on a brave face – if I want to cry and stay in bed, you bet I’ll be doing it because that’s what my body is telling me I need to do. So, this Christmas, when me and Steven decided we wanted to spend the day just the two of us, we went along with it. It’s hard trying to please everyone at Christmas so we want to just please ourselves by spending the day doing what we want at home with our little angel.

do what you want to do, not what others expect

We’re getting up early, having a lovely breakfast and champagne toast to our little precious girl, presents, morning mass, a nice country walk, and then coming home to get dressed up and cook an all singing all dancing 3 course meal together – now if that doesn’t sound like the perfect way to spend our day then I don’t know what is. It’s not about right/ wrong/ tradition, it’s about what’s right for you and your partner – Avery would want us to enjoy ourselves and we intend to.

We’ve splurged a little more than normal on presents this year but why the hell not, we deserve to make each other smile and treat each other – if losing a baby teaches you anything it’s that you only live once and to make the most of the short time you have together! … And do NOT feel guilty for enjoying yourself!

I know Christmas will be magical again one day, so this year it’s not about being festive, but about being together, in love and positive!

One day at a time .. XO Nicole 

There’s a lot of countdowns during the grieving process. To read more about other days we’ve dreaded, take a look at ‘Dear Avery’ or ‘Avery’s Post-Mortem’ or ‘Don’t look back in Anger’



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